It is Sunday after a Holiday weekend.
I am grumpy! I am running the list of all the “have to’s” when all I really want to do is the “want to’s” This is the struggle of beginning a full time career. I want to get everything done, have everything ready and organized to go….SO, what is everything????
I struggle with balance. I not wanting to over schedule, not wanting to have too much time to care of things. So this space today is a dumping ground. It is a place to get all the crap out in order to have an awesome, amazing day which will launch me into a new week filled with love and excitement. I want to be thoughtful, generous, caring and in the moment present! I want to heal and be free. BUT I HATE when I wake up feeling overwhelmed already. And is that truth? Is that really the reality? Or is this all me? I do not want to be resentful, bitter and angry because there are things that need to be done. I chose to live grateful and I am more than capable, more than able to make choices that give life instead of rob me of life. I pray that new disciplines and routines will open and unleash me into who I was created to be, encouraging, truth telling, passionate, energetic, willing to be vocal, to be loud, to be an attention seeker all to glorify Christ. To honor the deep desire embedded in my soul to shine for Jesus and all He has given to me. To allow my words life and meaning, to give others truth and understanding about WHO they are in CHRIST!!!!
This entire year I have meditating on “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and love YOUR NEIGHBOR as yourself. This is what I have come up with, you can’t love to the depth of the calling unless you completely love yourself. And from what I gather by listening, by watching and learning MOST people especially women do not love themselves to the calling/degree/ability that the Lord is asking/commanding. I know from my own “stuff” that loving myself is the most difficult love to give. We cannot love our neighbors UNLESS we love ourselves. How does that happen? How do we love ourselves and be equipped to love our neighbors. We must believe to the depth of our souls, cling to the never changing gift of the love of Christ. I believe that this is the key to unlocking freedom of life in Christ. Psalm 139 says very clearly that HE knew us.
He knew me before I was knitted in my mother’s womb. He formed and created me……I am made in HIS IMAGE!
Why can’t I see and feel the honor and beauty in which that is? Why can’t I operate out of that place of love? Why do I feel there is so much pressure to perform? To be perfect? To say the right thing? IT IS THE FEAR OF MAN!!! The need for approval, the need to be right, the need to have it all together, the need to be an image created by society, marketers, businesses, the craziness of more, more, and more! You don’t have enough, you are not enough. I must put all of the lies, crap, etc out of my mind including feeling like I am overwhelmed to have everything done. It is time to load myself with the firm foundation of truth of who I am and who He says I am IN HIM. It is not the world, the media, not the rat race. It starts right this minute with ME.
The me who is a child of God, CHOSEN by HIM. My hairs on my head are numbered and HE knows exactly how many. MAY I STAND in truth today and throw all the demands, grumpiness out the door. It is time to enjoy this day, grateful for EVERYTHING! Even if I do not get it all done, even if I don’t have it all together, even if I chose the “want to’s”. It is enough and anything done for Christ brings me into His presence and closer to the love He has for me.